Whenever you put something together for the first time, or you run your first race, or you plan your first expedition, or you go on your first camping trip with your kids, there is always a little bit of anxiety, there is a little bit of stress, there is a little bit of excitement that keeps you up the night before the “event”. The Inaugural FEAT Canada was no different. I barely slept a wink the night before the event. As I laid in bed my thoughts drifted between, “have I done everything” and “what do I still have to do?”. I went through as many “what ifs” as possible, even though I was telling myself, “Just go to sleep”.

Lying awake

I’ve had this feeling before. I remember lying awake before my first adventure race in a tent in Drumheller back in 2002. I remember lying awake before my first expedition adventure race in a B&B in Punta Arenas back in 2006. I remember lying awake before my first Ultramarathon, my first 24hr mountain bike ride, my first University exam, my first date! It still gets to me once in a while, but with all I’ve been lucky enough to participate in, I typically get a well-rested, uninterrupted sleep (save for the dog needing out).

Being Alive

However, I was brought back on Monday night to that feeling. I laid awake with that feeling of excitement, that feeling of truly being alive! It was just today that it hit me. This is why I do the things I do in my life. It’s for that feeling of being alive, it’s for that feeling of living. The only real question, is how can I get more of this feeling? What do I need to change about who I am and what I do so I feel this feeling more often?

Making changes

The only way to change my life is to take action.  If I continue to settle, if I continue to be where I am, then the path I’m on (or rut I’m in) only becomes more defined.  If I want more “feeling alive”, then I need to make the changes necessary to achieve it.  So what’s next?  Stay tuned…